Fear is one reason people discourage your ideas

September 25, 2025

In my work as a business coach, one of the most common “idea stoppers” I’ve heard is when someone in your life thinks your idea is a bad idea. I know this will ring true for a lot of folks. It certainly resonates with me because I have always been a person with a lot of ideas to roll around, even when I was a tiny little kid.

But when I dig deeper (which is one of my jobs as a coach), it often becomes clear that the real objection we hear isn’t to the idea itself. Rather it’s that people are jumping a thousand steps ahead of the process and confusing expressing an idea out loud for a promise that we’re going to deliver it immediately and - here’s the kicker - they think it’s going to require a commitment from them.

Your idea gives them anxiety because they’re confused about how the world works.

We’ve been taught to be confused in this way because the people who came before us thought it would save them time, trouble and energy. Plus, it’s a biology thing (more on that below).

The truth is that expressing an idea is not, in fact, a promise that you’ll be delivering anything or require any commitment from them.

When someone tries to discourage your idea because they don’t want to have to support it, they are showing you that they don’t have the capacity to listen to you in that moment.

They don’t have the skill to set aside their own anxieties about the future long enough to hear you talk about an idea.

I refuse to turn these naysayers into villains because that’s dehumanizing and it’s not the truth most of the time. Of course, there are times when people try to discourage an idea as a power play or other type of manipulation. That’s real and I believe people who tell me someone is sabotaging their idea out of ill intent (that has happened to me many times, also, so I get it).

I find that more often, what’s really going on here is that when those of us with ideas talk about them openly, people can have a fear response. Our very biology is working against us in these conversations, since our nervous systems can default to interpreting all anxiety as fear of imminent danger.

A fear response is usually just proof that somebody’s nervous system is working correctly (it doesn’t feel good but it’s actually a sign of a healthy body). A fear response means you’ve learned from past experience that something bad might happen, which basically means your nervous system has been paying attention and wants to protect you. There’s simply no need to villainize any human for having a functioning nervous system!

So, the next time you talk to somebody about an idea you have and they seem to have an out of proportion reaction, try asking yourself if their healthy nervous system response combined with a lack of skill handling that response is really something that ought to stop you from developing your idea. Remember that developing an idea is not a promise that you’re going to deliver it, even if it feels that way to somebody’s nervous system.

If you’ve got an idea you’d like to nurture, I’d like to help you do it through my Spark Your Idea Workshop.

I won’t pretend that fear is irrelevant, whether it’s coming from you or the people around you. I will help you learn the skill of understanding the fear when it comes up so you can decide what to do about it.

My Spark Your Idea Workshop (details here) might be for you if you’ve got the itch to start something new or make a shift in some way including:

• Introduce a marketing idea or campaign

• Write a keynote speech

• Plan a new program or business

• Develop a work of art

• Move an existing program or idea in a new direction

• Offer your services to a new audience

• Become a coach or consultant

• Write a book

• Begin a community organization

• Start a blog, podcast or youtube channel

• Offer a course or design a curriculum

There’s no rush to register; get more details here. I’ll be presenting the workshop first on December 4th and you’ll have two opportunities to attend (you’re even welcome to attend both if you like). I’m offering an equity pricing structure, as I almost always do, so that cost won’t be a barrier.

Please keep recommending me to friends and colleagues who might need a business coach or strategic planner (my specialty as a planner is small shops) or of course folks who might be interested in my Spark Your Idea workshop. My equity pricing structure means I can help most folks and I have extensive experience, especially in the area of social justice. Some of my clients run high-revenue businesses, while others run non-profits or part-time or one-person businesses.

I try to be transparent about my identity as a white, cis-het, middle-class, non-disabled woman in the U.S., because I think it’s important for my potential clients to know. I often get to work with people who have identities that differ from mine, and together, we are building a more just and equitable world where our lives and work are much better because of it.

Here’s to sparking YOUR idea,

Kay Coughlin, CEO and Business Coach, Facilitator on Fire