Why I give you structure that helps you think for yourself

[Thumbnail image description: my mom and dad on their wedding day. Pictured are a young white man in a navy uniform and a young white woman in a white wedding dress; together they are cutting into a wedding cake.]

November 7, 2025

Like so many of my clients who must find words to explain the unusual services we offer, I've been struggling to explain one particular aspect of the way my "Spark Your Idea" workshop works. It's this one: I believe YOU should have agency to make all your own decisions, so I have structured this workshop to maximize participants' own explorations and support their discoveries and decisions.

My client Chris Musei-Sequeira, an extraordinary man who I'm fortunate to now call a dear friend, explains my workshop experience this way:

I know that is a heck of an endorsement and I'm incredibly grateful to Chris for this, but also, Chris helped me find words so I can talk about my work in a new way. I'm not sure there's a greater possible gift to give to a business owner and I'm truly trying not to cry as I write these words because my heart is overflowing with gratitude to Chris.

What I’ve started to wonder lately is where does my process come from? Why do I work this way?

Why does giving people space to explore and fully claim their own agency come so naturally to me?

It turns out, my training in this goes back decades, to my earliest memories. And I mean that literally. Starting from the time I was tiny, I asked my parents a lot of questions about why things worked. Both of my parents had been science teachers at one point - my dad taught high school physics and my mom taught middle school biology - so they approached parenting my three siblings and me in much the same way they taught young learners in science.

Of course if I was asking about something dangerous (like when I wanted to experiment with chemicals), my parents gave me appropriate guidance rather than setting me up to get hurt. But when it came to everything else, like growing things in the garden, watching a cat give birth to a litter of kittens, digging a hole, cooking new recipes, or learning math, poetry or science (naturally), my parents encouraged me to learn on my own by letting my curiosity lead me as much as possible.

My parents consistently reminded me to enjoy curiosity, ask as many questions as I wanted, engage my faculties to search for answers, and to trust myself to explore as I learned.

I know how rare it was, as a white girl growing up in Ohio in the 1970s, to get this kind of constant encouragement to use my brain, lean into my own intellect and enjoy the process of experimenting and learning. My teachers certainly didn’t know what to do with me once I got to school and university, that’s for sure! As one of my favorite high school teachers put it, “Well, most of us just don’t know what to do with a girl who’s as curious as you and never gives up on asking questions. Your tenacity can be exhausting to us - but please never change that about yourself. You make our classes better for every student.”

Along with nurturing my intense desire to learn and explore new ideas, my parents also taught me to search for tools to help me learn.

From shovels to measuring tapes and cups, to saws, a needle and thread, screwdrivers, wire and nails, sugar and salt, and even an abacus (I’m not kidding), they encouraged me to look at everything as a potential tool to help me reason things out and look for answers.

We were poor in terms of money, but we were very rich in curiosity. I don't know how my parents managed to scrape the money together for it, but we had an entire encyclopedia set and oh my gosh I spent countless hours reading through it. Sometimes I'd stumble to the dinner table with my nose still buried in one of the volumes, just so I could finish up an article.

I've come to understand that, in many ways, my Spark Your Idea workshop (and the way I work in general) is a tribute to my parents and the way they taught me to see curiosity as fun.

Just as Mom and Dad modeled interacting with the world for me, I try to give my clients a little bit of structure, point folks toward tools that might be helpful, and give a lot of encouragement to explore what could work for their specific needs. That’s what my Spark Your Idea workshop is all about. The experience begins December 4th.

A note on my identities: I'm a white, cis-het, non-disabled middle-class woman living in Ohio in the US. I know people who share my identities have done a lot of harm in the world, so if my identity is an obstacle for you, I get it. I hope you'll take a chance on me anyway, but if not, I still believe in you and your idea. I'm sending loving support no matter what.

If you’ve got an idea you’d like to nurture, I’d like to help you do it through my Spark Your Idea Workshop.

My Spark Your Idea Workshop, which begins on December 4th (details here), might be for you if you’ve got the itch to start something new or make a shift in some way including:

• Introduce a marketing idea or campaign

• Write a keynote speech

• Plan a new program or business

• Develop a work of art

• Move an existing program or idea in a new direction

• Offer your services to a new audience

• Become a coach or consultant

• Write a book

• Begin a community organization

• Start a blog, podcast or youtube channel

• Offer a course or design a curriculum

Also, I will continue to ask this favor to ask of you: please keep recommending me to friends and colleagues who might need a business coach or strategic planner (my specialty as a planner is small shops) or of course folks who might be interested in my Spark Your Idea workshop. My equity pricing structure means I can help most folks and I have extensive experience, especially in the area of social justice. Some of my clients run high-revenue businesses, while others run non-profits or part-time or one-person businesses.

As I mentioned above, I try to be transparent about my identity as a white, cis-het, middle-class, non-disabled woman in the U.S., because I think it’s important for my potential clients to know. I often get to work with people who have identities that differ from mine, and together, we are building a more just and equitable world where our lives and work are much better because of it.

Here’s to a great love of curiosity,

Kay Coughlin, CEO and Business Coach, Facilitator on Fire